This post is part of my series to introduce the main characters of Ocean Heart to you and what my editor said.
The next character to make an appearance is neighbour, best friend, and love interest, Jace Walker.
Ocean Heart: Jace Walker
Role in Ocean Heart: Confidant/Love Interest (As Mariah’s long time BFF she can tell him anything … well, almost anything .)
Jace Walker
Jace is really close to his mum. It’s been just the two of them, his dad left before he was born.
He’s dreaming of heading off to uni, and wants his mum to have someone before he goes.
He loves seeing her with her fiancé but when they decide to move he knows his neighbour Mariah will find this hard. Jace also knows he needs to encourage Mariah to not be so dependent on her.
What my editor said…
My editor pointed out how Jace and Mariah have a friendship through convenience. With no interests to hold them together, Jace doesn’t try that hard to stay in touch.
My editor suggested adding in some shared interests but this is a fundamental problem with their relationship. Their more like brother & sister, until hormones complicate things.
I got an invitation from Instagrammer @inspire.withkhadija to be a guest on her show Author & Me.
About Khadija Masreef
Khadija Maaref is author of the book Muslim Women in Western Society. Her book is full of motivational and inspirational speeches, from a well travelled woman that has experienced many cultures.
Khadija continues her inspirational messages through her show Author & Me. During this show she hosts a live interview with a guest author.
She asked me various questions about when I started writing and why, and encouraged me to share tips that would help others.
I’m going to check out the other episodes. This a free resource for everyone & bound to be full of gems of wisdom from a variety of experiences and backgrounds. You can watch it here.
My Live
Do you want to see the whole interview… then, click here.
I’m going to do a series of posts to introduce the main characters of Ocean Heart to you and what my editor said.
It only seems right to start with Mariah, after all she is the main character…
Ocean Heart: Mariah Turner
Role in Ocean Heart: Protagonist (Main Character)
Mariah Turner
Mariah has always felt like she doesn’t fit in and relies a lot on her best friend Jace to carry her in social situations.
Mariah lives with Gwyn, her eccentric mum who predicts the future and insists on casting spells, mostly to control Mariah.
Next door are the Walker’s and her best friend Jace. Born only days apart, Mariah can’t remember a day without him.
Mariah is secretly crushing on Jace. She’s terrified of loosing him and will do anything to get him to see her, not only as a friend.
Mariah longs to swim but can’t. She has a rare condition that causes her skin to breakout in a strange rash. She must always wear her allergy bracelet.
What my editor said…
Avery McDougall had the following to say about Mariah in the Developmental Report.
The report gave me suggestions to improve the character but it was the first time I got to see her described by someone else…
Please don’t worry about these when you are writing your first drafts. Your first draft will be messy and ugly and full of cringe-worthy writing.
When writing your first draft just get the words out but when polishing it up look out for these cliches and cut them out. I hope this list is useful for you.
1. Waking up
Nobody wants to hear about your characters morning routine. We don’t want to know what they do in the bathroom, how they make & eat their breakfast, or what they pick out to wear and how they get dressed.
If you start with your character waking up, something epic needs to happen and not their usual boring morning routine.
If they wake up to an alien invasion, I’m pretty they won’t be worrying about what to wear but the reader will be right there with then running down the street screaming in their pyjamas.
2. False starts
So, you throw your reader into a beautiful dream or terrifying nightmare. The reader has no idea this isn’t real. Then, they wake up and the reader feels cheated.
You may have drawn them in but only to disappoint them. This is only acceptable if it has a purpose, like if Freddy Kruger is the antagonist.
Don’t trick your reader into spending time reading your story only to reveal they wasted their time. They won’t thank you for it and might even quit reading more.
3. Characters
At the start of the book you want readers to connect with the MC quickly. If they’re confused who the MC is, that isn’t going to happen.
Make sure it’s clear who the main character is. This is the person that will take the reader through the story. Don’t hide the MC as a surprise later.
While on the topic of characters, please don’t give them multiple names – it’s confusing. Don’t have you character Elizabeth also called Liz, Lizzie, Beth, Eliza, Babe, Buttercup, etc. I did read a story on Wattpad where someone did this and I lost count of the MC’s various names by the end of chapter 1.
Don’t waste the readers time aquainting them in depth with a character that doesn’t contribute to the overall story. If they are not important, don’t include it.
You can introduce characters during the story but don’t dump them all in chapter one. Don’t overwhelm your reader with a massive cast so there head is spinning with all the names.
4. Point of view
Be consistent. Readers will get comfortable reading in a certain POV and when it changes it takes them out. This is why writing dual or multiple character viewpoints is tricky as you don’t want to lose the reader but also need to keep their voice authentic.
Keeping your characters voice authentic is important and true to what they know or understand. Think about unreliable narrators. You may find another character is better suited as your MC or the story is told better via another POV.
5. World building
Creating realistic and vivid worlds will suck your reader in but don’t drown them in the details. Bogging them down with lengthy descriptions or explanations about the dynamics is going to kill it.
You need to show them the world, let them see, feel, taste and smell it. Put the reader in the world so they live it. Weave it into what’s happening.
If you want to write beautiful prose about nature, stick to poetry.
6. Over-explaining
Give your reader some credit, they’re not stupid. Trust them to fill in the gaps. Show the character living in the story and your reader will figure how things are based on the interactions.
Don’t use dialogue as an info dump. It really doesn’t work. Conversation aren’t showing, if you’re using it as a vice for telling the reader.
7. Fancy language
Okay, so we just covered how smart your readers are, however, they aren’t going to stick around if reading your novel is a vocabulary workout.
Too many complex words will kill the flow of your story. If the reader has to keep stopping, to figure out what they’ve read, you’ll lose them. You don’t want your readers to groan at the thought of reading your story.
In addition, be cautious about using made up words. You may have created new creatures, profession and even a new language, but if your reader needs a translator to make sense of your story, it’s too much hard work.
8. Too comfortable
Any scene that is too cosy isn’t going to compell the reader to keep going. Something needs to happen, something has to grab their interest.
Preferably a terrible conflict that makes your reader get behind your MC and follow them to the end of the story. You need to start with action.
9. Start in the present
The problem with prologues is they take place before your story starts. Many people skip reading them.
Also, using backstory or flash forwards are not great starts because your reader hasn’t developed a relationship with your character so they don’t care about their past or future.
These can have the same impact as a false start if they’re not necessary.
10. Rules are made to be broken
All the above have been associated with losing the reader but there are occasions when it does work.
If you feel strongly that your story needs multiple view points or it’s crucial the MC wakes from a dream, then do it. After all, it is your story.
Thank you for agreeing to a Behind the Book interview about your novel Out Of My League. I was so lucky to be one of you ARC readers and became a fan.
Blurb: Out Of My League
Out Of My League is the second book you published. Was it easier launching book two?
Yes and no. I wasn’t as nervous for this book (though I was still pretty anxious about it!) mostly because the process wasn’t so unknown anymore. However, there were a few glitches with this book in the publication process that were difficult to figure out. It was a give and take, for sure!
This romance is a ‘pretend boyfriend’ romance. Have you ever fake dated?
I haven’t, which is probably a good thing! I most likely would’ve ruined the fake relationship on day one.
Out Of My League is centred around a highschool baseball team. Were you into sports at highschool?
Ooh, not at all. I’m the stereotypical character who always manages to get hit in the face by a basketball or something. Sports and I did not click, but that did open so much more time to work on my writing!
I love your YouTube channel. For my readers can you share a little what it’s about?
Thank you! I started a YouTube channel back in April, and I’m sharing all of the things I learned about the self-publishing process and my experiences with it, as well as talking about writing. With Camp NaNoWriMo coming up, my writing vlogs are coming back, and I’m so excited!
Have you got any tips for budding Author Tubers or Book Tubers?
Make the content that you love. Numbers may not grow fast at first, but if you’re loving the content you’re making, that’s all that matters.
I’m guessing you are a romance fan. What’s you favourite romance novel?
Ooh, this is a hard one! I really, really loved Kasie West’s The Fill-In Boyfriend, which, funnily enough, is another fake relationship romance! P.S. I Like You, also by Kasie, was also very sweet!
Please share a snippet of your story, Out Of My League?
Walsh stood on the other side of the door with his blond eyebrows high up on his forehead. “Nice to see you, too?” “What are you doing here?” I was ten kinds of disoriented, staring at his figure standing against the fading sky. Did I conjure him from my thoughts? “Why aren’t you at the bay? Aren’t the fireworks starting soon?” “I didn’t go,” he told me, slipping his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “What? What do you mean you didn’t go? Where have you been for the past few hours, then?” Walsh reached a hand out to me, palm up. “I can show you.” As enticing as his words were, I hesitated, glancing at the picture on the wall as if somehow my parents could see me through it. “I can’t leave the house.” “Your house,” he said, eyes vivid with energy, “or your yard?” Uh. “What?” Walsh grabbed my hand and led me out onto my front porch, then down the two steps. “Close your eyes,” he commanded, his other hand coming around to my other shoulder to guide me. “I promise I won’t let you trip over anything.” “Walsh—” “Shh. Just say ‘yes, Walsh’ and close your eyes.” I gritted my teeth but relented, swaying as my vision filled with black. “I hate surprises.” Walsh pressed firmer against my side, his chest touching my shoulder, a smile in his voice. “I think you’ll like this one.” Grass crunched beneath my bare toes as he moved me along, but I remained a good sport and kept my eyes sealed. Though it was silly, my heart started to beat faster, the anticipation making me nervous. His hands that curved over my shoulders were gentle, the pressure steady, his body close enough behind me that I could practically feel his proximity. “Relax,” Walsh said, guiding me to a halt. “Your shoulders are so tense. I’m not about to kill you and stuff you in my trunk.” “Your trunk’s huge. You seriously think you’d have to stuff me into it?” Walsh was close enough that I could feel him chuckle. “Can I open my eyes now?” Walsh hesitated for a moment before he let go entirely. “Yes.”
Where can we go to discover more and buy Out Of My League?
Out of My League is available on Amazon, Apple, Barnes and Noble, and Kobo books! I’ll leave a universal link for easy access to any platform! https://books2read.com/u/b55yOw
Have you checked out Parler yet? It’s very similar to Twitter but promotes free speech. So far I’ve found everyone friendly and welcoming, and the posts I share there display better.
Someone posted that they were struggling with writers block and the advice to “just write” no matter what, everyday, was not working for them.
I’ll admit, I don’t write everyday.
So, I came to the persons rescue with a few alternative suggestions. I honestly believe that just because a method was right for someone else, doesn’t mean it’s right for all. Everyone is unique.
Originally this was a four point list on Parler but then I had more ideas.
Infographic on How to Beat Writers Block
I hope you enjoyed my infographic and found it useful. If you’re on Parler, you can add me. I’m Redfae.
It’s part of the Writer’s Helping Writers series. The series includes a number of thesaurus covering different aspects such as character traits or settings. The aim of the books are to help writers find the words they need to make the impact they want.
They also have developed an impressive web-app (https://onestopforwriters.com) that’s described as a library of resources and tools to support writers.
What is the book about?
The one I got is on character expressions. It’s a thesaurus about different emotional responses and covers internal and external reactions.
How it works?
You look up the emotion your character is feeling, like lust, confusion, envy, fear, betrayal, etc.
There’s a little description so you can check you understand what the emotion is and make sure you picked the right one.
It then has a list of ways a character might behave if experiencing this emotion.
There are also some suggestions for internal sensations, which is useful for 1st person POV.
There are even some suggestions on how the emotion can escalate or deescalate.
How I used it?
Editing (Ocean Heart)
I used this book alongside the developmental feedback from my editor. She highlighted some points in my story where I needed to amp up the emotions and some places where I had skipped along without any reaction at all.
I looked up the emotion in the book and read the suggestions. I reflected on which reaction was most true to my character, then worked it in.
Future use…
This book will get used time and time again. I’m planning to next use it alongside writing Sky Heart. Hopefully it’ll reduce any feedback from my editor about under played or missed emotions.
Final thoughts…
This is a really useful book and has left me wanting the rest of the series.
It’s more of a resource than a thesaurus and I don’t think there is anything out there quite like this. It is designed especially for writers to aid their craft.
I highly recommend this book.
Do you have any writer resources that you swear by?
So, I set three targets and it’s not gone to plan…
Writing Goal: Finish Sky Heart
Originally finishing Sky Heart was my main goal for Camp NaNo. I always struggle with writing endings so I knew this wouldn’t be easy.
Kiely was a 2nd viewpoint in an early draft of book 2. In that draft Mariah was the MC but Kiely’s story took over. Then I cut all Kiely’s parts and made a new book in 2018 called Glide. In 2019, it was renamed Diamond in the Sky and I added to it but never finished it.
I opened the manuscript and had no idea what was going on. It has been too long. I’m lost.
Instead of working on the ending, I’ve had to start at the beginning, reading the whole manuscript and making notes. The good thing is I’ve already identified parts to improve which will help when I come to edit. I’m now up to chapter 10.
This book has always taken a back seat to book 1. As book 1 is with my editor I thought I could finally work on finishing this but I was wrong. As you’ll see below, Book 1 has demanded my attention.
Book 2 has been renamed Sky Heart and promptly put back in the back seat… maybe next month Kiely.
Publishing: Ocean Heart
I thought sending my novel off to my editor meant my job was done…
No!
Very quickly I realised how much work I have to do to launch my book. As this is a priority, I adjusted my goals to continue working on Ocean Heart.
So far I have:
Written a dedication.
Researched & written my copyright statement.
Researched covers in my genre to identify what I like or don’t and gather the details my cover designer needs.
Planning for a Giveaway.
Researching how to provide ARC copies.
Attend my first ever meeting with my editor (this Thursday).
Got feedback on my Blurb
Still to do:
Finish the instructions for my cover designer so she can start work on my covers (eBook & Paperback). For this, I still need to finalise my blurb and decide on book sizing like trim, etc.
Use the feedback to improve my blurb.
Create a space for my Street Team to access exclusive content and be the first to know my news.
I’ve now reached chapter 9. My little girl is demanding more attention from me now so I get less time to read on my phone during the day, which is when I read eBooks.
I’m doing the challenge with World IndieWarriors and set my goals as follows:
Write the ending of Sky Heart (book 2) – estimated 20k words
Finish reading my two current reads (Agent Undone by Cassidy Reyne, and Sea Witch by Sarah Henning)
Complete Storyseller Academy course
About Sky Heart
Slow Start
1 July
I’ve barely started! So, at the end of June I was sending Ocean Heart (book 1) to my editor but fear struck. It was ready a week early but I kept reading it through, checking it, worrying whether it is good enough. When I was still doing this is July, I realised what I was doing and hit send… at almost midnight.
2 July
So, I started a day late. When I looked at chapter 24 of Sky Heart (book 2) I couldn’t remember what was going on. It dawned on me that it’s been too long, I need to reread it all to get my hear back in the story. I may not get to write this month ?.
3 July
I was introduced to a website called Art Breeder. OMG this website is addictive! At first my ‘breeds’ were not quite right but the more I played the better I got.
Top row – Mariah, Jace; Bottom row – Murray, Kiely
4 July
Today, I’ve been working on blog posts and reading (a little). Blog posts weren’t part of my NaNo goal but reading was. Finally started on Camp NaNo ?.
Reflecting
I think if it wasn’t Camp NaNo, I would have taken a break this month to reflect on finishing Ocean Heart.
I’m nervous about what is next and still have a lot to learn and publishing it is my annual priority goal.
You’ll notice I’ll be more laid back about my goals this month. As always, any progress is good but I’m more interested in the social aspect of the challenge.
It’s a great way to connect with other writers. If I can encourage another creative towards achieving their goals, that’s still a win. And once I’ve rejuvenated I’ll come back stronger.
