Have you seen that advert of a mum working from home? She is lying on the floor cooing at her baby and typing on her laptop. I bet you know the one I mean.
Well, I’m embarrassed to admit I believed this could be my life. My dream has always been to be a Novelist and I also longed to be a mother, so this image was singing to my heart, ”you can have it all!”
If I’d waited for my ideal writers life, I’d still be waiting.
Ally Aldridge
I’ve been writing stories ever since I could put a sentence together but for many reasons I put off seriously trying to get published until the prospect of children was on the horizon.
As soon as I got engaged in September 2009, I came off the contraceptive pill. I wanted it out of my system so I could get pregnant as fast as possible once married. We married in June 2011 but different factors got in the way of motherhood.
Our Wedding in Mauritius
During that time I wrote Hunted, Instinct and Drift (now published as Ocean Heart). I edited Drift, queried it, got some requests… but never an offer.
Late 2013, I had my son. He took over my life in the most glorious way, but it was obvious how unrealistic that image in my head was. My working hours were reduced but it didn’t enable any extra time for writing. If anything, I had less time. I was juggling a job and my parental responsibilities. Most evenings I was too shattered to do anything.
Once my son turned three, we decided we were ready to grow our family. Fortunately, I didn’t fall pregnant quickly because a few months later the company I was employed at went into administration. Expanding our family was put on hold until we got financial stabile again.
To my relief, almost a year later, we decided to try again and I fell pregnant straight away. My daughter joined us in the summer of 2018.
During this time I’d continued to edit and query Drift. I realised that I have to just make my situation work if I wanted my dream. That meant, I often wrote in the evenings when my kids slept. Sometimes they have worn me out in the day and I have to be okay with letting myself take a break.
I focus on celebrating what I have achieved and that I’m still making progress, instead of being frustrated I can’t do it as fast as others. I blog and schedule content on my mobile whilst my kids play. I make my social media posts on my phone often using Canva. In the smallest pocket of time, I can still work towards my goals.
Due to my new can do attitude, I’m now a published author. That’s right, in December 2021, I said yes to myself, and published Ocean Heart, book 1 in The Soul Heart series. If I’d waited for my ideal writers life, I’d still be waiting.
During lockdown, I’ve lost my childcare for my youngest . And, whenever the schools close, I’m homeschooling for my oldest. My employer has been pretty supportive and when I’ve been most impacted by the pandemic, I have been placed on Furlough.
These days I have even less time to write! But, I’m writing. Maybe not everyday, but I am getting there.
My message to you is, do what you can now because every little bit will add up. There’s nothing to lose. Worst case scenario, you have a fabulous novel all to yourself.
This book is the finale in the Cronus Chronicles series. I will place links for the earlier books in this series at the end of the post. Each interview covers different writing tips and info about the series.
How long did it take you to write this book once you had the idea?
The idea of Gabe’s story came in flashes, but once I finished writing Abby’s and Seth’s stories, Gabe’s story took about six or seven months to write the first draft. Another month or two to rewrite. I’d say the process from drafting through publication took sixteen months.
This book was written after you lost your dad – was it a therapeutic outlet? I notice that it deals with death.
This book explores my grief to some extent, or the ways in which suppressed grief has power over us. Writing Gabe’s story allowed me to process the loss of my father and my own pain. In many ways, I felt stuck like Gabe. When he walks into that childhood fort, I felt like I completely understood his need to hide there, to face death; though Gabe deals with suicide ideation, I think each of us face the symbolic death of self when we face the pain of loss, and then the subsequent rebirth when we find our way out of it. I’m not sure if that makes sense?
Tell me about the character Gabe?
Gabe has faced immense bullying his entire high school career; it’s called The Freak Challenge, and the object is to get Gabe to fight back. Writer of poetry and lover of Abby, he hasn’t fought back because he knows who started the challenge—Seth—and he’s biding his time to get back at his former best friend for the betrayal. His therapist has tried to help him. His adoptive parents have helped him. Even Abby, now, has helped him, but lingering over his head is the knowledge of his real parents and his fear of becoming them. When things spirals out of control and Seth’s life is on the line, Gabe crashes and feels like everything that’s happened is his fault, the fault of the DNA he carries in his body, and that the only way to save everyone else from the monster he’s becoming is to end it.
Each book is a different character from the series story. What inspired these characters?
You’ll see the parallels with the three characters in the Twilight series. Abby-Bella, Seth-Jacob, and Gabe-Edward (though an awesome reader thought Seth and Gabe were reversed which I love too). When I rewrote the books, Abby was inspired by the emergence of Hawaiian culture in my island home. The exploration of how one’s culture informs identity. Seth, as a villain, was inspired by the idea that even the villain has a story. That those either-or dichotomies are often flawed because as people we are a million variations of color. Finally, Gabe was inspired by my daughter who has struggled with mental health. When I read the statistics about males and sucicide rates, I was so saddened, I knew I wanted to explore this further.
When you finished the series you gave it a new look. What was it like relaunching a book and redesigning the covers?
It was hard work (and costly) but I’m so glad I did it. I am so proud of how they turned out, and they are so much more in line with how I envisioned them in the redesign as opposed to the original covers (which I liked too). It’s a lot of work. Finding a cover designer, formatting, learning the ins and outs of publishing in a more hands on way. I don’t think it’s probably a path for everyone, but I’ve enjoyed the process.
Do you design the covers yourself or use a designer?
I hired a cover designer. Her name is Sara Oliver (https://saraoliverdesign.com) and I think she’s amazing. I love working with her.
Can you share a snippet of the book?
Would love to . . . Though I’m not sure what to share. Here’s one of Gabe’s poems:
Vomit up the monster.
It plays with blocks,
Stacking and rearranging them
Around holes in my heart.
I’m the butt of a joke;
It’s laughing, wide mouthed,
And kicks – cracking what’s already damaged.
The monster crawls back inside
To be vomited another day.
-by Gabe
Excerpt from The Bones of Who We Are by CL Walters
Where can we go to discover more about you and your books?
My books can be found on any of your favorite platforms. I would always recommend going to your independent bookstore and you can always request them to bring it in.
This novel is set in a futuristic world where there are bound and unbound people. Unbound people have powers, and those with more than one power are specialists. Specialists can learn to use cards that boost their powers.
The unbound are rules by the Card Catchers. The story starts with a tournament being held where all the unbound must compete, so the strongest are selected. The tournament can be deadly, hence Neela’s resistance to partake.
Characters
Neela is the main character. She is a feisty vigilante orphan, growing up in the slums with her brother. Neela is an untrained specialist.
Jacen is Neela’s big brother. They are super close as they’ve pretty much grown up only having each other. He doesn’t have any powers.
Brochan is to become Neela’s trainer when she is required (or forces) to compete in the Red Queen tournament. Part of his team includes wife Lily, and brother-in-law Will.
Amil is a specialist trained assassin. He also becomes Neela’s first friend. There’s a lot of flirting between them. Unfortunately, Amil’s brother isn’t quote so friendly.
Review
Neela is a feisty young vigilante, with unbound powers. She doesn’t want to compete in the Red Queen tournament, until she is caught by her trainer. On their way to the tournament they are attacked.
Neela meets Amil, a young assassin that everyone is cautious of. He quickly becomes her friend, which draws the attention of his not so nice brother.
People are targeting Neela. As they try to figure out who they are, more secrets unravel. Could the attacks be linked to her parents deaths?
My only negative is that sometimes it felt too dialogue heavy, and there were a lot of occasions thar Neela’s hair got roughed up or her head patted.
Red Blood is full of fast paced action and superpowers. It reminded me a lot of Naruto, but without the school. It’s a fun read. Kaitlyn has put a lot of thought into the magic system and World-building to bring this story to life.
I couldn’t wait to show off my cover, and it was the first real piece of marketing I paid for. That’s right, your cover is an important part of selling your book.
Don’t judge a book by it’s cover…
A book with an eye catching cover will naturally attract more attention. It also should communicate what the book is about, so your ideal reader picks it up.
DIY Cover
It’s fine to make your cover yourself. But, if you do make sure you have permission to use any images, fonts, or any other element in your design. You may need to buy certain licences from the creator to use them.
If you want to design your own cover, check out author Elexis Bell’s blog post series on the topic:
Commissioning a professional can ensure you make the right impact. Check their portfolio and testimonies to see if they are right for your book. You may find it useful to check out my post on how I found my cover designer.
Cover Reveal Images
You will need to prepare the images for the cover reveal. My Cover Designer included a social media package which included social media banners, 3D Renders and an IG version.
Ocean Heart – IG Social Media Image
The 3D Renders have been so useful. I often add them to various social media posts I’ve made. I’d highly recommend them.
3D Render
I am fortunate that my cover designer created me 3D renders of my paperback and my eBook. However, if you don’t have that privilege, here are some ways you can obtain one.
BookBrushhelps authors to create images to market their books, including 3D renders. You can try it for free or pay for more options.
DIY Bookhelps indie authors create covers and has a tool to easily create 3D Renders.
Stock image
You may want to utilise a stock image within your social media post. Make sure you have permission to use it. Here are my favourite sites:
Unsplashis a resource of images by photographers made available for free.
I like searching for flat-lays I can add my book and text to.
Decide on a date
There is a lot of division on when to do your cover reveal. What it boils down to is personal preference.
One successful author recommend 6 months, or as soon as possible. Another, suggested 3 months at most, as they struggled to keep the momentum going. A lot of authors said only a month.
I started mine during the 1st week of September, with the full reveal on 7th September. My book was on preorder on 1st October, and released on 1st December. This worked well from me.
Cover Reveal Teaser
Cover Reveal Teasers
You should have already been talking about your book and generating interest. As your cover reveal approaches you want to incite interest. You can capture peoples curiosity with a partial reveal, announcing the date you will reveal all…
How I created my partial reveal pics…
I created mine by using a torn paper image from Unsplash.
I edited the image in a free app called Adobe Photoshop Mix . I cut out the part of the image where I wanted my book to show through.
I uploaded the cut out image and my cover to Canva. Canva is my favourite app for creating Social Media posts. It was here that I added the text.
If you have Book Brush, you can use their templates to achieve something similar. Personally, I prefer Canva as I have more freedom to do what I want. However, if you are stuck how to start, you might find Book Brush easier as the templates are specifically for authors.
Of course, you could achieve a similar affect by wrapping your book in paper and tearing a teaser rip in the paper. Then take a nice photo. You may still wish to use an app like Canva to add text.
Cover Reveal Team
You can ask friends, family, and/or fans to support you by sharing, liking, and/or commenting on your reveal pic. The more engagement the pic gets, the better it will perform in the algorithm.
Make sure the post is public and that you use hashtags your ideal reader follows. It’s okay to tag the book title but it’s unlikely anyone will be following that hashtag yet, so choose ones that describe the themes and genre of the book.
I was really fortunate that a number of my IG followers were willing to share my cover to their IG stories and I had loads of lovely comments on my post.
If you don’t have anyone to help, you can pay for a cover reveal service. On 1st Nov, I used Xpresso Book Tours for a Book Blitz and was really impressed by how many signed up. They also provide a cover reveal service which I’m sure would be just as good.
Cover Reveal Image
You need a nice picture of your book for social media.
Manually: Again, you can do this manually by taking a nice picture of the physical book.
Digitally: I didn’t have a physical copy so I created my image digitally.
I mainly searched Unsplash for flat lays, books, beach, ocean, mermaid, and any other theme relating to my book. I then edited it in Canva.
Once you have done the cover reveal, you must keep up the momentum until release (and beyond).
It’s a waste of your time to get everyone excited about your book and then let them forget. Once you’ve shown off your gorgeous book, got them excited, you need to keep reminding them it’s coming. Get then to sign up to your news letter, and you may want to have a preorder option.
It can help to set aside a day to come up with content ideas. Then, schedule the content ahead of time so you can space it out and consistently post. Here are some good apps for this:
Preview: This app is free and enables you to see how your IG content will look on your feed. You can schedule post reminders or to post automatically.
Facebook Business Suite: It’s free to use and enables you to schedule posts to FB, IG and Twitter.
Planoly: The free plan enables you to schedule to two platforms for free. I paid for extra features during my launch month in Nov, so I could schedule videos.
Hootsuite: The free plan enables you to schedule posts to FB, IG and Twitter. You can pay for more features.
Later: Allows you to schedule posts to Instagram.
IFTTT: A useful app for sharing posts you posted on one platform, to another.
I also regularly schedule my blog posts. There’s no reason you can’t do your cover reveal on your blog. You want to spread the word so why not on all your social media platforms.
Ocean Heart Gallery
The first image, with the shells, candle and yellow blanket is one I took of my physical book on my bathroom floor. The others, I created in Canva using images from Unsplash.
I added some of these to my Facebook group album and told my street team and blog tour team, they were welcome to use them. Having a bank of images of my book enabled me to keep posting fresh content to IG, in the lead up to my book launch.
I hope you found my cover reveal experience useful. I’d love to hear your thoughts and what worked for you.
This isn’t my usual read. I rarely read erotica, and I’ve never read satire. But, when author Florian Green offered me a copy in December I gave it a go.
The Setting
It’s set during the first Covid 19 lockdown in the UK. During the pandemic we’ve had lots of rules change, and some rules are silly.
For example, punters could not drink at a pub unless they bought a ‘substantial meal’. This rule seemed ridiculous as nobody believes the virus will leave you in peace just because you’re eating food. For pubs to open they had to make sure they sold food, and peanuts, crisps, and pork scratchings, was not enough. It had to be a substantial meal.
The Characters
Fanny is the MC and a land lady. She owns a pub but doesn’t yet offer food. If she wants to keep her doors open then she needs to solve that.
There is an inspector checking up on Fanny and putting on the pressure. He’s not a nice guy, a bit of a creep.
There is one other substantial character but I won’t share as it’ll ruin the end.
My Review
This was a funny book and not like anything I have read before. Although it has erotic scenes they were more satire. The story has an entertaining plot and uses lots of puns. I think it’d help to understand the UK Lockdown for some of the jokes, but it’s a quick light hearted read that will make most laugh.
[kofi]
This book was unlike anything I have read before, so I thought about other steamy reads for you to check out (note they’re nothing like the above book). Check out:
If you missed my previous post – click here for part 1. Or check out the collection for all parts.
So, you’ve drafted your novel, edited it a few times, and now you’re thinking about self publishing it.
STOP!
Every book you publish builds your reputation. If you decide not to get it professionally edited, you risk loosing future readers. Successful authors always talk about the importance of their back list (previous titles). What you want is to create a fan base that will keep coming back for more.
You NEED to get it professionally edited.
Step 2 – Professional Edit
Here is a handy infographic you can add to Pinterest of the steps covered in this post.
There are many professional editors who specialise in different areas. I’ve tried to simplify the process in this graphic, but each editor is unique. Check what they offer as part of their editing service. I will provide links to more info where I can.
Developmental Edit
You can learn so much about your novel and writing from this edit. The editor will highlight what’s working and what’s not, and make some suggestions on how to improve it.
When you get your manuscript back you will have a lot of work to do but it’s well worth it. I paid a local printer to print my MS, so I could work through the edits physically and digitally.
Line Edit
Sometimes to save money people choose between a line or copy edit as they have similarities. If you can afford both, do it. The more editing the better. For Ocean Heart, I did skip this but my editor did some line editing within her copy edit.
Self Edit
Read through all the changes made (or recommended) by your editor. These will improve your manuscript. You don’t have to make the changes but I doubt you paid for an editor to ignore them.
Copy Edit
I got a copy edit for Ocean Heart as my final edit. My editor still pointed out areas that needed improving – even by this point, it still wasn’t perfect.
Got feedback? Use it to to make your manuscript even better. By this point most authors are sick of editing and lost count of the number of drafts – now its ready to publish.
Publish your novel
The next post in my series is about turning your final manuscript into a book and publishing it…
As if by magic, this book appeared on my Kindle. I read the blurb and knew I had to read it.
The Setting
The story is set up North during winter. The snowy setting got me excited for our forecasted snow.
The MC is an only child living with his mum and dad in the countryside, with his nana in the annex. He travels to his local high school by bus.
The Characters
Mark is the main character. He’s grown up in the small town where everyone knows he’s gay and his nana is a witch.
Mark’s best mate is pretty occupied with his girlfriend. When a new guy starts at the school, Mark invites him over for the winter solstice celebration, as well as his mate & his girlfriend.
My Review
I loved this short story. It’s hard not to blab as I want to gush about it. The characters felt so real, and I loved the magic woven into the tale. The snowy scenes were beautiful and the romance.
A guess a good place to start is on how I found my Cover Designer.
How I found my cover designer?
She ran a competition on Instagram to giveaway one of her design packages to a lucky winner. The winner of the competition was author J.D. Groom who had tagged me.
I don’t think I entered because at the time I was still planning to get a Literary Agent. Here’s the cover J.D. Groom received as her prize (it included eBook & paperback).
I loved the cover! As soon as I saw it I knew I wanted this designer to do my book cover…, if I self published. I then discovered other covers I loved were by the same designer.
Read Behind the Book & Book Review for JD Groom’s Sorceress of Truth (cover by Original Book Cover Designs).
Read Behind the Book & Book Review for Kara A Weaver's Crown of Conspiracy (cover by Original Book Cover Designs).
Read Behind the Book & Book Review for Cassidy Reyne’s Agent Undone (cover by Originam Book Cover Designs).
Where to find cover designers?
I’ve seen people speak about sites like Fivrr but I’ve not used them. Here’s where I’ve found Cover Designers.
Instagram: There are lots of cover designers on Instagram. It’s an image based platform so an ideal place to show off their designs.
Facebook: A lot of designers also have a Facebook group. It enables them to share offers with their fans and build connections.
World Indie Warriors: Joining WIW is free. It’s a great resource. You can connect with other authors and get recommendations and check out the WIW brochure to discover cover designers.
You must love it: You need to love the cover they create. It is essentially the first tool in your marketing arsenal. It needs to be something you’ll be proud to flaunt. Look at their portfolio and decide if you like their other designs.
Genre suitable: Each designer will have their own style, and it will likely be more suitable for a certain genre. I write Fantasy and Original Book Cover Designs definitely has a flair for it. Readers of your genre will expect a certain style so you don’t want them to pass your book assuming it’s not for them based on the cover.
Budget: We all have to operate within our means. People will judge a book by its cover but there are affordable options. Many designers do pre-made covers and if you can find one that suits your book, you can save on the cost of a bespoke design.
Extras: If you want to do eBook & Print, does the designer do a discount. Will they do other formats like hardback or audio. Do they offer some social media images or 3D Renders. Do they offer other services as a bundle discount (like formatting or blurb writing, etc).
Recommendations: If you can find authors the designer has worked with it can be very insightful. You could reach out to ask about their experience. You can also see if they have continued to use the designer and if they recommend then to others.
Benefits of a cover designer
Professional: I love creating my own covers. I often make them in Canva and use them on Wattpad. But, when it came to publishing my book, I wanted the cover to be perfect. I wanted my readers to find it hard to tell it is self published. It had to look professional.
Dimensions: I went a little cross eyed when I tried to figure out the spine for paperback. The width changes depending on paper type and page count. Ingram does have a tool to help you work it out and you can use the template in InDesign.
Technical Skills: I don’t know how to use Adobe or any other fancy design software I’d love to learn it but I just don’t have time. Outsourcing the cover design to a professional was a massive time saver.
Marketing: As mentioned earlier, your cover is the first thing anyone sees of your book. It needs to be eye catching, genre appropriate, and you need to be proud of showing it off. If it looks nice, other people might show it off too!
Working with your cover designer
Quote: Firstly, you’ll need to reach out to your chosen designer for a quote. I liked that Original Book Cover Design’s has some packages on their website so I knew they were within my budget and had already started putting money aside for it.
Timeframe: A good cover designer will likely have other projects on the go. You need to tell them when you’d like the job done by so they can confirm if they can do meet your deadline.
The deadline will need to be before your anticipated release date. This is because you should market your book before you release it. This period is often referred to as your book launch. Mine was about 2-3 months.
You also need the files before release to upload to the site you are using to create your book. I used Ingram Sparks. You’ll want to order a proof to check it is printing right, so allow time for quality control.
Also, if you are doing a print version, your cover designer will need to know what size to do the spine. Your manuscript will need to be edited and formatted.
Ideas: You’ll need to tell the designer about your book and your ideas for the cover. My cover designer had me complete an in depth questionnaire. She then worked with me to create a cover I love for my book Ocean Heart.
It was a dream come true.
Final design: The first draft looked incredible. I gave myself a little cooling down period – it was crazy exciting seeing my book – to look at it critically. I then requested some minor changes which my designer made. I was in love. It was a dream come true.
I hope this has helped you decide on whether you want to use a cover designer for your book, where to look for a designer, and how to pick one.
For some reason I wasn’t aware book 2 was out and the crazy thing is, it was out first!
Am I right in thinking this book was originally published as a standalone, and was your first indie book?
Yes! The Ugly Truth started as a stand alone and was my first indie book. The problem was, I was never happy with the ending. It felt trite and over-simplified and I couldn’t seem to figure out how to fix it. It wasn’t until two years later that I decided to finish the series and I started on Swimming Sideways. When that book was finished, I realized I’d written them out of order and they were connected. It allowed me to go back to The Ugly Truth and write the ending which finally worked.
I notice there is a theme of truth and lies in your series, was this intentional?
I don’t know that I made a conscious decision to explore truth and lies initially, but one of the big character flaws of Seth was that he was hiding his truth in lies. Abby faces the same thing. Gabe isn’t lying so much as just hiding. So perhaps the broader theme is how we hide our true selves and the means we do that because we’re afraid or insecure or whatever reason creates that need to hide.
Which character do you relate to most?
Each of them, I think, in some ways. Abby’s “good girl” position; Seth’s need to project he’s got it all together when he doesn’t; Gabe’s sensitivity. I think the one I aspire to be like is the secondary character Dale in Gabe’s, The Bones of Who We Are. I think our stories reflect lots of pieces of us.
Tell me about the main character Seth?
Seth is a “it” guy at his high school, but he knows he doesn’t deserve it. He’s done some awful things to people including his once best friend, Gabe, by instigating “the Freak Challenge” even if he didn’t know it would blow up like it did. Worse yet, he doesn’t come forward to fix it because he’s too afraid. And that’s always been his problem: he’s afraid. At home, where no one knows, his family faces the rage of an alcoholic father, and Seth often bears the brunt of that anger. This story, however, is told through Seth’s memories, because he’s woken up as a spirit outside of his body which is lying in a coma in a hospital bed, and he doesn’t remember how he got there.
Where did the idea for this novel come from.
When I first started writing this story 15 plus years ago, it was a paranormal story. Abby and Seth were Earth guardians and Gabe was a Fallen Angel. It was initially inspired by Twilight because I was so upset with how Meyers had treated the characters. About the time I finished the first installment and began the query process, the book Fallen by Lauren Kate came out and then Hush Hush and suddenly the market was saturated. At the end of that first book, I’d ended it with Seth being dragged into a hell-like place by a demon named Amaros but I’d put the series away because I couldn’t find an agent, but Seth kept talking to me. “You’ve left me down here,” he’d say. “You’ve left me in hell.” So in 2015 I decided to approach his book as a stand alone and changed it to a YA Contemporary with speculative fiction elements. But as I mentioned earlier, I couldn’t get that ending to work!
How did you come up with your publishing name – Mixed Plate Press?
In Hawaiʻi, where I live and write, a mixed plate (also called a plate lunch) is a little bit of everything —meat, rice, salad—and all of it represents the “local flavor” of the islands. When I came up with the name for my independent imprint business, I wanted to go for that idea of a Mixed Plate Press title being representative of “many flavors” and something for everyone. That more than just the mainstream voices could be represented as a part of the publishing platform even if they’re niche.
Can you share a snippet of the book?
Definitely!
Here’s the first chapter of The Ugly Truth:
The Truth of Being Alive… Well, Kind of…
When I become conscious of myself, the way I am now, it isn’t like the idea of waking. I’m stretched thin, not exactly in the physical world or in the spiritual one, but somehow in between. My physical body is locked, but my spirit, what I guess I am now, moves beyond the confines of my bone, muscle and skin. I hover like a breeze in the flutter of a curtain. I dart back and forth between people and follow them while my physical body remains where it is, a shell that once housed me. I don’t know how I got here.
Time doesn’t function like it once did. This in-between layer seems to have collapsed into the slow motion of time lapse. I don’t know how long I’ve been here, but the longer I am, bits and pieces flash like images spliced together and sound bites in vignettes.
Darkness.
The wail of the siren.
Words: “Stay with us, Seth.”
The wail of a woman (I think she is my mother).
Bright lights.
Beeps and blips of equipment speaking.
Drip.
“Swelling.”
“Induced coma.”
Doctors.
Whir.
Now.
I don’t think it has been very long. If I use the emotion of the woman I think is my mother’s gusts of grief as a measure, this seems recent.
A man appears in the doorway of the room. A haze of familiarity lingers in my consciousness. I think he is my father. Clues: he isn’t dressed like a doctor or a nurse and instead is in worn jeans and a button-up flannel over a white t-shirt. Add to that his hesitation at the door when he sees my body. His face is drawn, pale and heavy with the burden of emotion. I watch him take in the scene from the doorway and imagine how he might see the space from my corner of the room.
It’s a plain room, clean and sterile, a blanket the color of the sky over my physical body. My dark hair looks strange against the pillow, a stark contrast to the whiteness of the bed. The paleness of my face that seems to blend into everything else aside from the beautiful blue and purple bruises, blooming flowers, on my face and the dark cuts that crisscross my forehead. A tube protrudes from my mouth, tubes from my arms, and the loud click and whir of the machine causes my chest to rise and fall with a regular rhythm like a ticking clock.
The woman, her back to the man, holds my hand. “Seth. Honey. Momma’s here,” she says through tears.
That’s a first.
This is a thought which shocks me, a reflexive one that is as natural as breathing but like a punch to the gut. Bitterness tastes like something old and stale, and I want to rinse my mouth, wash the bitterness that dispels fermented hostility like the color of putrid yellow-green staining the atmosphere.
The man walks into the room from the doorway, the sound of his footsteps announcing his arrival. As he crosses the room, I shrink away from him. My mother’s back straightens, rigid while the essence of me tightens up and folds in on itself until it’s so small it can’t be folded anymore. It’s a reaction I don’t understand. I retreat into the upper corner of the room as far I can without passing through the wall. Again, I’m struck with this visceral response that isn’t connecting. I don’t remember. This inexplicable feeling is confounding. Add it to the confusion of being disconnected from my body and fear has planted several seeds.
The man puts his hand on my mom’s shoulder. She shrugs away from his touch as though burned. “Kate?” He asks, and this exchange solidifies he is my father. His voice sounds different than what my unreliable memory insists is characteristic of him: it’s too shallow and lacks thunder.
The man puts his hand on my mom’s shoulder. She shrugs away from his touch as though burned. “Kate?” He asks, and this exchange solidifies he is my father. His voice sounds different than what my unreliable memory insists is characteristic of him: it’s too shallow and lacks thunder.
Something in my psyche reacts to this interaction though I can’t quite name what it is I feel. I know it doesn’t feel quite right. It’s like putting on a new shoe that isn’t formed to the foot yet. Her minuscule rebellion and his muted tone are unfamiliar. I search for what seems more familiar and imagine her acquiescence in his unrelenting storm.
“I won’t speak in anger in front of Seth,” she says. It’s more of a whisper really. “He can hear. The doctor thinks so.”
“I understand you’re angry. I’m angry too.”
She swivels in her chair with acute force and levels a stare that makes him step backward. “You’re angry?” she asks through clenched teeth, the sound more like a hiss.
I stretch in my corner of the hospital room, toward them, revelation like an electric shock moves through me. My father has seen something in my mother’s look that stays him. His face says it all, the stupefaction, the denial, and then the pain. He turns away, unable to hold himself up under her gaze and leaves the room.
I follow him, curious. There is something different about this man – it’s foreign, frightening and strangely freeing. He’s shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shuffles down the hallway. This father isn’t recognizable but is broken like a car that needs a new spark plug.
He enters a waiting room filled with people. Emotion rushes at me in a variety of colors: blue, red, orange, green, yellow, purple, brown, black and shades in between. Each person in the room exudes color, some with multiple hues. I don’t know what the shades mean, but I sift through the spectrum to find where the feelings emanate. As I scan the room, I freeze on one face. I know this one: Abby. She is surrounded by an aura of light-blue tinged with darker flecks of blue and gold.
My form is filled with warmth and then chased by regret. I remember her smile and her laugh. I remember the way she made me feel: safe. I reach for a memory that causes the cooling grief, but there is only blackness. “Abby. I have to tell you something,” I say but my memory stalls not able to grasp what I thought I needed to tell her. She doesn’t indicate she’s heard me. “Abby,” I try again anyway.
“She can’t hear you,” a voice from an invisible entity says.
I whirl around the room. The origin remains hidden and the voice silent, so I return to Abby.
I’m in front of her, hovering as though standing on my own two feet. I study her, free to do so. Her brown eyes are rimmed red. She’s been crying and her brown face is pale, her inner-light diminished. She’s crossed her arms over herself as though holding something in. “Abby?” I try again, but she doesn’t hear me.
An awareness I don’t want to recognize dances on the peripheral of my being. I want to turn away from it, but I can’t. It’s like an angry jester dancing within me flashing a terrible smile. Looking at Abby, anguish wraps its arms around me and panic infiltrates my life force. I know I don’t want to be like this – in between. “Abby! Help me!” I yell.
She shivers as if she is affected by my cries but looks right through me.
Someone next to her – a young man – puts his arms around her. When I’m able to focus on him through the soft light reaching toward me, I recognize him: Gabe. A flare of anger rushes through me, fire and hot, that angry jester taunting me with his awful dance again – instinctual. When I focus on my former friend, I see he’s been crying, his eyes defined by sadness. I notice the bruising on his face and my spirit cracks open. A cool-blue washes me and the red steams away. My own perception of things isn’t ringing true, a little flat, like the note needs adjustment. I’m missing something.
“You!” The word is like a shot startling me. It sounds like a curse.
Abby looks up.
I swivel around.
My father exudes black and red. I remember this man. One of his dragons appears ready to burn his intended victim with its internal fire. He’s pointing at me, but I realize he can’t see me. He sees Abby. “This is all your fault,” he yells and takes three menacing steps toward me – her. “You changed him!” He stalks through me approaching Abby with purpose.
A man I don’t remember but seems familiar moves in front of Abby. “Hey now,” he says. At the same time another man dressed in a black suit and a cleric collar appears at my father’s elbow.
“Jack,” one of them says. I don’t know which. “You’re hurting.”
The words break a dam. My father folds in on himself, shrinks as though the impending storm is cut up by a downdraft. The other two men help him to a seat near the window.
Shaken by what I’ve witnessed, I return to my body.
My mother is still there, holding my hand and humming a quiet lullaby through her tears:
When the traveler in the dark…
Thanks you for your tiny spark…
The world around me begins to spin, as though someone has swiped at a table-top globe. The room rotates on an axis and the colors rush together in a blur. I’m compressed and suffocating and though I work to focus on my mother’s song, I can’t find a focal point. This place where I’m in between isn’t freedom. It’s a trap, a prison, and I’m stuck.
Wake up! Wake up! I think. I squeeze myself shut attempting to disappear in order to reappear in the awake world. But nothing happens. The spinning slows. The space around me coming back into focus. I still hover in the room listening to the quiet hum of my mother’s voice who’s accompanied by the percussion of the life support.
With Valentines Day coming up, I thought it’d be fun to share some of the romance tropes that can be found in Ocean Heart, and possibly in Sky Heart. Warning: Lots of snogging Gifs!
Redfae Bookshop is my Affiliate Bookshop.org Shop Link. NB: This post contains these affiliate links…
Friends to Lovers
This is a favourite romance trope of mine because my husband and I started out as friends. For us it had a HEA, we have a beautiful home and two fabulous kids, and later this year we’ll be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary. But getting together wasn’t easy, and it risked our friendship if it didn’t work out.
In Ocean Heart, Mariah is crushing on her BFF. It starts off as an unrequited love, but during the novel they deal with first kisses, jealousy, and a break up. Can they rekindle their romance, save their friendship, or do they need to move on?
Enemies to Lovers
Sometimes I don’t like the trope because I don’t want them to get together. It depends on why they are enemies but, I made it work in Ocean Heart. Check out the reviews of Ocean Heart.
When Mariah beats swim star Murray in a race, he doesn’t handle losing well. After behaving like an idiot, he starts to take an interest in her but she’s not interested. She’s heard about his reputation.
This is the one where the bad boy falls in love and changes his ways. I’m a sucker for this one as a fantasy, but in real life not so much. Bad boys are bad news and rarely deliver a HEA.
Murray has an Instagram feed of all his conquests and he’s not ashamed to brag about it. It’s why he’s so protective over his sister Kiely. He knows guys only want one thing, until...
Love Triangle
Some people really hate this trope. Eek! But, not me. Throw in more hot guys, more romances, more complications, and I’m hooked turning the page.
There are technically two in Ocean Heart. First up, when Mariah realises she’s crushing on her BFF Jace, he already has a girlfriend, Kiely. Later, when Murray takes an interest in Mariah, he attempts to draw her attention away from Mariah.
This is where two people are meant to be together. It’s common in paranormal romances, where a wolf imprints on their mate.
Mariah is a mermaid. She doesn’t know it, but when she accidentally marks one of the guys as her mate for life, then they are bound.
Fake Relationship
People fake relationships in books often to raise their status, or to get a reaction from someone else. In Out Of My League the MC accepts the deal to save face at a party where she catches her boy friend cheating, and in The Practice Boyfriend the MC strikes a deal to gain access to the elite parties.
In Ocean Heart, Mariah agrees to a fake relationship. Both parties have different reasons but united on one goal; to end a romance.
As a teen I loved a book called Ginger’s First Kiss by Janet Quin-Harkin. It’s the first book in the Boyfriend Club series where a group of friends pact to help each other get their first kisses and Ginger realises she’s into her BFF’s brother. I got it free with a teen magazine at the time called BIG. Over the years I have lost the book and it is no longer in distribution.
Both Keily’s BFFs have brothers, and both are off limits. It’s a rule the girls made. A rule Kiely is tempted to break when one of them offers to help her get over her ex in a way nobody else can.
This trope is so exciting. There’s all the danger of getting caught, and whatever the stakes are.
It’s not just her friends that Keily needs to hide who she is seeing, it’s also her over protective big brother, Murray. And later, she must keep it hidden from someone more dangerous than she ever imagined.
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