This post is part of my series to introduce the main characters of Ocean Heart to you and what my editor said.
When you read Ocean Heart you’ll wonder how the story ever worked without best friend Ana, but she wasn’t in several first drafts! I love her so much, I want to create a spin off novel from my series, for Ana.
Anastasia Drake
Role in Ocean Heart: Confidant (Best Friend to MC)
She often goes by the name Ana. Her name was chosen by her mum who died shortly after childbirth. Her dad won’t speak about it but says she looks a lot like her.
Ana isn’t close to her dad. He works a lot and she spent her early years with childminders and in boarding school… until she got expelled, from them all.
Ana is trying hard to keep out of trouble at her new school and has avoided making any close friends until she sees Mariah. Mariah looks as lonely as she feels, so she invites her to come swimming.
Ana comes across happy and bubbly but behind the smiles and makeup is she a dark secret. Her step mum tries to help her by finding an amazing doctor, but meds and treatment aren’t working. Ana needs something more potent, unique… Ana needs magic.
Ana is crushing on the swim coach. In her spare time she is creative. She loves fashion, taking pictures and creating animations on her computer.
What my editor said…
My editor really enjoyed Ana. She pointed out occasions where I was so focused on Mariah’s plot, she was rude to Ana. That was not my intention, so thanks to her feedback I got fixing that. Ana is the BFF we all want.
I enjoyed creating my blurb. It’s the little short enticing summary that goes on the back cover of a printed book.
Over the years I’ve tweaked it but now I’m self publishing it was important to get feedback from others.
This post is going to share with you my original blurb through to the final version. I hope you find the feedback useful for writing any blurb.
ORIGINAL
Tag line:
Being a mermaid brings a new depth to “It’s complicated!”
Blurb:
One kiss is all it took to wake Mariah’s weather manipulation powers.
Mariah is crushing on her best friend, rivalling with the swim team star and her guardian Gwyn is meddling in her life using magic. Mariah is about to discover she’s a mermaid with dangerous powers.
When your love life’s a mess and your deadly powers are connected to your emotions, it gives a new meaning to “It’s complicated.”
ELEXIS VERSION
The first offer help was author Elexis Bell. She has published several novels, and various genres.
Okiedoke. If it’s at the end, I might leave mermaid out of the blurb. But that’s just me. Also, I love the play on words with being a mermaid bringing new depth to it’s complicated. I only dropped it from the blurb because it’s already going to be on the front of the book.
Here’s what I came up with. If you don’t like it (or only like parts of it), no worries. ?
Blurb:
With a crush on her best friend and a rivalry brewing with the swim team star, Mariah’s life is anything but simple.
Especially with her guardian, Gwyn, using magic to keep secrets. But all secrets wash ashore, sooner or later.
When a single kiss reveals Mariah’s true form, she learns that mixing a messy love life with deadly powers fuelled by emotion might be more than she bargained for.
AMENDED VERSION 1
Blurb:
With a crush on her best friend and a rivalry brewing with the swim team star, Mariah’s life is anything but simple.
Especially with her guardian, Gwyn, using magic to keep secrets. But all secrets wash ashore, sooner or later.
Mariah’s about to discover she’s anything but ordinary. Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers might be more than she bargained for.
OR
Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers is an imminent disaster waiting to happen.
OR
Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers is just the start of a brewing storm of trouble.
Being a mermaid brings a new depth to ‘it’s complicated.
With a crush on her best friend and a rivalry brewing with the swim team’s star, Mariah’s life is anything but simple. Throw her guardian, Gwyn, using magic to keep secrets in the mix, ordinary comes close, but all secrets wash ashore, sooner or later and it is then Mariah discovers she’s anything but ordinary. Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers is just the start of a brewing storm. Will Mariah be able to contain it or will she be swept up in its wake?
AMENDED VERSION
Tag:
Being a mermaid brings a new depth to ‘it’s complicated.
Blurb:
With a crush on her best friend and a rivalry brewing with the swim team star, Mariah’s life is anything but simple.
Especially with her guardian, Gwyn, using magic to keep secrets. But all secrets wash ashore, sooner or later.
Mariah’s about to discover she’s anything but ordinary. Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers will whip up a storm of trouble. Will Mariah be able to contain it or will she be swept up in its wake?
KARA FEEDBACK
There’s a lot of will going on in the last sentence….
Can Mariah contain it, or will she be… that might help some
AMENDED VERSION
Tag:
Being a mermaid brings a new depth to ‘it’s complicated.
Blurb:
With a crush on her best friend and a rivalry brewing with the swim team star, Mariah’s life is anything but simple.
Especially with her guardian, Gwyn, using magic to keep secrets. But all secrets wash ashore, sooner or later.
Mariah’s about to discover she’s anything but ordinary. Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers will whip up a storm of trouble. Can Mariah contain it or will she be swept up in its wake?
Then Contemporary Fantasy author J D Groomoffered some suggestions…
JODIE’S COMMENT
I like it! I’m not sure about the middle paragraph though ?
Something about starting with ‘especially’ doesn’t sit right.
Maybe something like, ‘Added to that her guardian, Gwyn, is using magic to keep secrets…’ etc
AMENDED VERSION
Tag:
Being a mermaid brings a new depth to ‘it’s complicated.
Blurb:
With a crush on her best friend and a rivalry brewing with the swim team star, Mariah’s life is anything but simple.
Added to that, her guardian, Gwyn is using magic to keep secrets. But all secrets wash ashore, sooner or later.
Mariah’s about to discover she’s anything but ordinary. Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers will whip up a storm of trouble. Can Mariah contain it or will she be swept up in its wake?
Then, I noticed during the edits I’d lost a speech mark. I was also running every edit past my hubby and his best mate Dale to get their feedback too. It was done & I sent it to my cover designer…
She had a whole formula to share with me and examples of where it had been done well to illustrate what she meant. She really had gone above and beyond what I’d commissioned her for. But, it’s too long for this post & I didn’t seek her permission to share her secrets. But, it meant more editing…
AMENDED VERSION
Tag:
Being a mermaid brings a new depth to ‘it’s complicated.’
Blurb:
Mariah is a regular highschool teen, or that’s what she thinks. With a crush on her best friend, and a rivalry brewing with the swim team star, Mariah’s life is anything but simple.
Added to that, her guardian is using magic to keep Mariah safe from a probable future of reapers coming for a soul, or merblood being spilt by a vengeful werewolf. But all secrets wash ashore, sooner or later.
Mariah’s about to discover she’s anything but ordinary. Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers will whip up a storm of trouble. Can Mariah contain it or will she be swept up in its wake?
A gripping story about a mermaid, first love, and self acceptance. Join Mariah as she awakens!
Asit had been edited I sought more feedback. Cassidy, Kara and Richenda were able to give me pointers.
AMENDED VERSION 2
Tag:
Being a mermaid brings a new depth to ‘it’s complicated.’
Blurb:
Highschool teen Mariah’s life is anything but simple. With a crush on her best friend, and a rivalry brewing with the swim team star, her powers awaken early.
Mariah’s guardian meddles in her life with magic attempting to keep her safe from the soul reapers, and a werewolf hunting merblood. But all secrets wash ashore, sooner or later. Mariah is about to discover she’s a mermaid!
Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers will whip up a storm of trouble. Can Mariah contain it or will she be swept up in its wake?
An exciting coming of age story about a mermaid and romance that literally sparks.
FEEDBACK FROM KARA
Blurb:
Highschool teen Mariah’s life is anything but simple. Between a crush on her best friend, and a rivalry brewing with the swim team star, her powers awaken early.
Mariah’s guardian meddles in her life with magic attempting to keep her safe from the soul reapers, and a werewolf hunting merblood. (This is an odd sentence. You kinda want a ‘When a…. , she …’ structure to build up tension. Like: When Mariah’s guardian meddles in her life with magic to keep her safe from the soul reapers and a merblood hunting werewolf, she learns there’s more to this world he is not willing to share). But all secrets wash ashore, sooner or later (, and she’s about to discovers hers!). Mariah is about to discover she’s a mermaid!
Mixing a messy love life with deadly powers will whip up a storm of trouble. Can Mariah contain it or will she be swept up in its wake?
A gripping story about a mermaid, self acceptance, and romance that literally sparks.
Hi Allison,
Sorry, I had a look at your blurb and I thought it could use a bit of tightening to amp up the tension in the text. Sorry if I’m too forward, I just want to help.
Kara also spotted during the edits that an apostrophe had been lost.
FINAL VERSION:
I thought I was finally done and sent it off to my cover designer again. Then, I spotted that ‘high school’ didn’t have a space. ?
I can’t believe I’m finally at this point where I can share this excellent news!
Ocean Heart is available everywhere!
eBook
If you enjoy reading on an electronic device you’ll be pleased to know you can read Ocean Heart. PreOrder it for Kindle, iBooks, Kobo or Google Play. Many of these have free apps so you can also read on a Smart Phone.
Traditional brick & mortar shops can stock Ocean Heart. They choose what to order for their shelves. This is a great way to support your local bookstores.
If you can’t see it on the shelf, you can request they order it in. They’ll be able to find it in the Ingram Sparks catalogue, but to make it easier for them share the ISBN below.
My local bookstore Stillwater Books has agreed to a non-contact book signing. You can preorder Ocean Heart through them, I’ll pop in and sign it. They will then deliver it to your doorstep in Felixstowe (or surrounding areas).
Library
The next challenge will be to get it into libraries so it can be accessible to everyone.
This post is part of my series to introduce the main characters of Ocean Heart to you and what my editor said.
The next character to make an appearance is neighbour, best friend, and love interest, Jace Walker.
Ocean Heart: Jace Walker
Role in Ocean Heart: Confidant/Love Interest (As Mariah’s long time BFF she can tell him anything … well, almost anything .)
Jace Walker
Jace is really close to his mum. It’s been just the two of them, his dad left before he was born.
He’s dreaming of heading off to uni, and wants his mum to have someone before he goes.
He loves seeing her with her fiancé but when they decide to move he knows his neighbour Mariah will find this hard. Jace also knows he needs to encourage Mariah to not be so dependent on her.
What my editor said…
My editor pointed out how Jace and Mariah have a friendship through convenience. With no interests to hold them together, Jace doesn’t try that hard to stay in touch.
My editor suggested adding in some shared interests but this is a fundamental problem with their relationship. Their more like brother & sister, until hormones complicate things.
I’m going to do a series of posts to introduce the main characters of Ocean Heart to you and what my editor said.
It only seems right to start with Mariah, after all she is the main character…
Ocean Heart: Mariah Turner
Role in Ocean Heart: Protagonist (Main Character)
Mariah Turner
Mariah has always felt like she doesn’t fit in and relies a lot on her best friend Jace to carry her in social situations.
Mariah lives with Gwyn, her eccentric mum who predicts the future and insists on casting spells, mostly to control Mariah.
Next door are the Walker’s and her best friend Jace. Born only days apart, Mariah can’t remember a day without him.
Mariah is secretly crushing on Jace. She’s terrified of loosing him and will do anything to get him to see her, not only as a friend.
Mariah longs to swim but can’t. She has a rare condition that causes her skin to breakout in a strange rash. She must always wear her allergy bracelet.
What my editor said…
Avery McDougall had the following to say about Mariah in the Developmental Report.
The report gave me suggestions to improve the character but it was the first time I got to see her described by someone else…
The best way to explain Swoon Reads is as a public querying platform where readers influence agents on what to publish. The agents behind of this site are from MacMillan Publishing.
Swoon Reads publishes under Feiwel & Friends, an imprint of Macmillan.
Writers: The platform was initially for YA Manuscripts only but now also accepts NA. The MS must be the writers original work and posted as an exclusive query to Swoon Reads for at least 6 months. One uploaded, it cannot be edited – that would be a new submission.
Readers: Site members read Manuscripts that appeal to them. They can comment to give the writer feedback with ideas for improvement or how much they loved it! Readers rate stories.
My History
Back in January 2014, I uploaded a copy of Drift to Swoon Reads. Drift was first drafted in Dec 2009, so I’d spent about 3 years working on it and thought it was ready to be queried.
The idea of readers choosing my book really appealed. At first, I got lots of positive ratings and excitedly awaited an agent to notice… and, I waited… and, I waited… and, after 6 months I returned to the traditional query trenches.
As you know, Drift has changed a lot in the last 10 years.
Was 24 chapters, then 36 chapters, now 30 chapters
Prologue cut
Merged with book 2
Changed character names
Given Ana (formerly Annie) a bigger role
Added a full mermaid shift
Added an epic battle
Changed the ending
Professional edit (twice) plus the countless self edits
Renamed as Ocean Heart
I uploaded Drift to Swoon Reads in January 2013. I got quite a few votes which moved my book into the top three most voted at the time. I thought this was pretty impressive as I didn’t have a huge social circle and my social media was limited to who I knew in real life, and I was too shy to tell them to go read my novel.
Despite the attention I got from readers, the agents never showed any interest. I don’t even know if they read it. But, the books they chose were always well deserving brilliant stories.
Moving on
After 6 months, you are free to leave your book on their site in hopes an agent will stumble across it and fall in love. I saw no harm in doing this.
I then queried and pitched other literary agents and publishers. I entered competitions. I did everything I could think to get my MS in their hands. Until, I realised, I could self publish.
This year, I’ve been working hard towards self publishing and in August, I got a strange message on Tumblr. They claimed to be a publisher that had seen ‘Drift’ on Swoon Reads and were interested.
Hmm…
One reason to Self Publish is there are lots of con artists about. Most reputable agents or publishers are so busy with manuscripts sent directly to them that they are not crawling the web looking for authors. They certainly wouldn’t use another publishers platform to poach authors.
I ignore them but it did remind me that my book is on Swoon Reads. I began to panic about their rules and if it’d affect my self publishing- eek.
They are a publisher that have built a good reputation for themselves so I hoped when I explained the situation they’d take my book down quickly. I explained:
Drift was uploaded in 2013
I’m self publishing but…
It has been edited a lot (characters names and plot changes)
Has a new title – Ocean Heart
Has a new cover
It was anxious for their reply. When I heard nothing I logged on and found it was gone. I’m no longer an author on Swoon Reads.
Comments
Readers can make comments on stories to encourage you or help the writer develop. Swoon Reads does warn writers to save these before taking an MS down otherwise they’ll be lost. I took screenshots. Here they are:
There will be, but book 2 is from Kiely’s perspective and much darker.
Tarot has done a great job of summarising Mariah (aka Lily) first love. Yes, I’m going to indulge you in a whole series based in the world of shifters.
Thanks Mike – met on WeBook a writing platform that no longer exists but where Drift was first posted online!
Mike, it’s evolved more! It’s got even better! No longer a twinge of magic, there’s even an epic battle.
I love comments like this. ?
Yay! Thank you x
You’ll be pleased to know that prologue is long gone. Lol ?
Thank you so much Debbie, I’m glad you loved my twist on magic.
Wow! This makes me want to happy dance.
Hopefully you won’t have to wait much longer as I’m working on Sky Heart (book 2) for 2021.
Thanks Anni. I’m working hard to make sure book 2 is just as awesome.
Do I recommend Swoon Reads?
Yeah. It’s been a positive experience for me. I didn’t get published but I did get useful feedback and encouragement from readers.
Ocean Heart
Drift has evolved and transformed into Ocean Heart. The comments above are by readers of the 2013 version.
These comments make me so happy. Whenever I get nervous about putting Ocean Heart out into the big bad world, these readers sweet words make me feel braver.
Soul Heart Readers
I’ve created a Facebook group for my Street Team, basically my first fans.
They’ll be first to hear how Ocean Heart is coming along, be offered ARCs and to be part of my virtual book tour, plus more…
If this is something you’d like to be part of, come join us in the Soul Heart Readers Facebook Group.
So in my first YouTube video I declare myself as author J.D.Groom‘s biggest fan. I’ve got the book, the mug, the coaster, the candle…
In my debut YouTube video, I share the fabulous Sorceress of Truth merchandise I got my hands on. We’ll have a closer look at the book, and I’ll discuss why this author means so much to me.
This June the latest World Indie Warriors Brochure was released.
Indie Books
The brochure is packed full of indie books, their blurbs, where to buy and how to connect with the authors. But, thats not all…
Indie Services
There is a directory of service providers. These are small indie business offering services that support the indie community. It’s a great resource to discover cover designers, book formatters, editors, coaches and marketing.
Indie Products
The brochure also showcases indie businesses that make and sell their own products. This enables you to discover unique and custom items that can’t be bought in mainstream shops.
Articles
The brochure is full of useful information from start to finish. There are tips for readers and an interview with a book blogger. There is an interview with the author who won a book cover contest. And you can discover what World Indie Warriors is all about.
It’s FREE to download
If you’ve read this far, you probably want to know how to get your hands on it.
The brochure is to showcase World Indie Warrior members. To join you just need to follow them on Facebook or Instagram – they are working on a forum.
They do lots of different activities to support the indie community. For example, this month, they are doing CampNaNo on Instagram and have a goal tracker on Facebook. Being part of a team is a great way to stay motivated towards achieving whatever creative goal you set.
If you check their blog you’ll find details on how to get your content included in the next edition.
This is the book I’ve been waiting for someone to release! It won’t come as a surprise that I can’t wait for more and I’m pleased to say there is another book coming. Bring on Sorceress of Flame.
This review does include spoilers but the short version on Good Reads and Amazon doesn’t.
The Beginning
Some short chapters are told through the point of view of a secret character revealed later on. The MC is Tory. She’s starting a new school, meets Pepper and instantly become friends.
Pepper introduces Tory to her circle of friends. One friend is Kylan, an older and attractive male friend. Tory likes him but worries about the age gap. Pepper encourages her to go for it but just as they are about to get it on, Kylan takes off, leaving Tory very confused.
Another night, Tory is home alone and gets spooked by a potential intruder. She calls her new BFF who quickly hurries over. Pepper arrives with Kylan to check the house is safe. This forces Kylan and Tory to talk and get things back on.
Sarah, a mysterious girl, invites Tory to her party. Tory asks Pepper and their friends to come with her. Unfortunately, it turns out the host is actually Sky, and her hungry vampire party is a trap for Tory.
Tory runs and hides until Kylan finds her. Her new friends fight the the vampires and rescue her. Tory sees things, horrific things and now she knows her new friends aren’t human and one is now dead. Is she even safe with them?
The Middle
Tory learns her friends are vampires and faeries, working for the guard, a secret organisation to protect Sorceresses. Tory never knew but she is a Sorceress.
She learns that:
1. Pepper and Kylan are her appointed guardians and purposely infiltrated her life. This casts doubt on whether Kylan genuinely liked her.
2. Kylan is a vampire and feeds on Pepper, a fairy, which gives him a psychic link to her. This makes Tory feel jealous and thinks about him feeding.
3. Kylan isn’t a little older, he is 100s of years older. Tory’s concerns about the age gap are magnified.
Tory has a lot to come to terms with. An official from the guard comes to interview everyone to find out what happened at the party. It soon becomes apparent that this is bigger than they thought.
Kylan takes Tory to meet an ancient vampire that might have answers about things they don’t. The vampire takes them both to his abode where they must stay for their safety.
Lucas slowly reveals history and his secret agenda. He throws parties for his guests, gets Tory alone and kisses her. The kiss ignites something more powerful than desire within Tory. She runs from Lucas to her room and cries. The sensation is undeniable and complicates her feelings for Kylan.
When Kylan finds Tory upset he wants to know what happened. She tells him about the kiss and he storms off. When he finally returns to their room he doesn’t sleep in their bed. The next morning, Lucas casual drops into conversation that Kylan spent the evening with his ex Mary.
Kylan insists he and Mary just talked. Tory insists that Lucas’ kiss meant nothing. The trust between them is wafer thin but they forgive each other.
With Lucas’ help they learn that Tory isn’t any ordinary Sorceress she is the daughter of Arch Angel Michael. They also discover the guard has been compromised and somebody within the house isn’t on their side.
Tory is desperate to get out of the Church where they are staying and Lucas grants them leave on the condition they take one if his vampires with them. He appoints Mary.
They visit the house. Tory is keen to catch up with Pepper but doesn’t get the chance. Whilst walking the grounds with Mary she starts to like her. On their way back, Mary detects danger but it’s too late. They are knocked out whilst trying to escape.
The End
Tory comes to and finds herself with Mary in a secure room. Soon they discover that Sky is behind their capture. They also discover how deep the corruption of the guard goes.
Sky is trying to awaken a demon and needs Tory. A ceremony begins and the demon comes forward, entering Tory’s mind.
Luckily their friends and Lucas’ army arrive in the nick of time. There is a big fight, they stop the demon entering our world, and they rescue Tory and Mary.
The book ends with the immediate danger being averted. Tory, Kylan, Pepper and Mary set off in a car but not before Lucas gives Tory a passionate send off. Leaving a steamy question mark over her relationship with Kylan and an opening for the next book in the series.
Final Thoughts
I’m a fan of love triangles. I enjoy the double romance action and the complexities. I was very much team Kylan. But…the more we got to know Lucas, and felt the hot passionate chemistry, the less certain I became about my team choice.
A pet peeve is info dumping and heavy world building but Jodie is a master at gently weaving the details into the story, so, I was discovering the world alongside Tory. Whilst on the topic of World Building, I love what Jodie has done bringing Vampires and Faeries together, and loved the history of angels and demons.
Tory is a great main character. She has insecurities, and makes mistakes, but it makes her all the more likeable. Her actions are believable and I was with her all the way, even when she felt lost and confused in the new world she was navigating.
I read a paperback copy which was beautifully formatted. There are little details that add to the story like the mirrors, feathers and symbol. All are secrets you unlock in the novel making this decorative feature a special touch.
Have you seen my #footstack pic on Instagram? Check out the feed @Nic_Reads_Inheels for my heel stack inspiration.
I only discovered #footstack very recently. It is a pic of someone balancing books on their shoes. When the #CampNanoWIW prompt was a #shelfie pic, I decided it was the perfect opportunity to give it a go.
I had so much fun doing this. And, when I posted it people asked, are they your legs, your books, your pic, how?
The answer is Yes and this is how.
The original pic
I wasn’t going to share this pic but here you go.
Unedited #FootStack
The books I bought from Amazon, Book Festivals or won on Instagram. They are all from my never ending TBR pile.
Since having children, I don’t have many heels. I also tidied away the ones I did have and have no idea where I put them. These shoes are my work ones from Clarks.
The red stockings were bought years ago from Ann Summers, back when I felt more daring, and haven’t been seen outside the bedroom. ;)
I did need help to get this pic. My husband stacked the books whilst I giggled upside down and tried to hold steady. My selection was rather ambitious and I realised this was my limit… no more books.
He then took the pic for me. He actually took quite a few as we tested my balancing skills at different degrees of steepness. We found it looks better the straighter my leg are. Posing like this was a full on workout.
How I edited the pic
Pic Monkey App
I used the Pic Monkey App to remove the background using their Cut Out, Smart, tool. It was super easy.
Unsplash
Unsplash is my favourite site to get free photos. I found this photo of a pretty yellow wall by Mona Eendra from Copenhagen. Yellow is one of my brand colours so this was perfect.
Pretty yellow wall from Unsplash
Photoshop Mix App
This app enables you to layer images together. I created a project and added the wall as my first layer, then my cut out image as the second layer. I then cropped it to a square and adjusted the two layers until I was happy with the positioning.
I had never used this app before and it was very straight forward. I figured it out without watching the tutorials. But, I’m going to return to watch them later to discover more.
Instagram App
The final edit was done using IG’s filter Clarendon. Then, I added my comment and tags and posted it.
