Behind the Character: Kiely
The next character to make an appearance is rival, Kiely. Although, this month I’m working on book 2 of the series and she’s the MC. She would claim Mariah is the rival.
Role in Ocean Heart: Antagonist (Poor Kiely is the enemy simply for being Jace’s girlfriend. Jealousy is an ugly trait.)
Kiely O’Neil
Kiely and her friends are gorgeous and it. But, the demands of being popular comes at a price.
Kiely tries hard to be nice, not a stereotypical mean girl. Girls want to hate her, and being nice seems to make them more mad. Her best mate Fallon has always got her back and puts the haters in their place.
Despite being gorgeous and friendly, Kiely has struggled to get a boyfriend. Fallon says it’s because high school boys can’t handle a goddess…
…Until Jace asks her out. She is smitten and gives the relationship her all. She even lets his best friend, Mariah, borrow her clothes. Although, Mariah’s and Jace’s friendship makes her feel insecure, she trusts they are just friends.
Kiely can be a little superficial, her image is important. She worries so much about what others think she’ll tell little white lies. Kiely’s lies will get her into deep trouble, but you’ll have to read SKY HEART to discover more about that. Sky Heart is book 2 in The Soul Hearts series.
What my editor said…
Avery didn’t analyse Kiely’s characters. Although, there were inline comments on my manuscript relating to her.
This is probably because Kiely isn’t a main character in Mariah’s life but she is a main character in THE SOUL HEART SERIES. The next book is all about Kiely and I’m hoping to get that ending written during NaNoWriMo.
Kiely was called Kya which means Diamond in the Sky (book 2s original title). Avery pointed out a lot of characters names ended in an “Ah” sound. As a result, I changed her name to Kiely. This wasn’t her first name change.
Redfae Bookshop is my Affiliate Bookshop.org shop link.
[kofi]
If you enjoyed this you will like:
Behind the Character: Murray
This post is part of my series to introduce the main characters of Ocean Heart and reveal what my editor said about them.
The next character in my Behind The Character series is nemesis and love interest two, Murray.
Role in Ocean Heart: Antagonist/Love Interest (Murray doesn’t make the best first impression but… well, there’s a little “enemies to lovers”)
Murray O’Neil
Murray loves sports, but top of the list is swimming. He is on the school team and the best in the school… until that little redhead turns up at practice.
Murray’s second love is girls. A simple smile and they’re all over him and filling his insta feed. But, he isn’t looking for anything serious. He’s young, having fun, and moving on fast.
Murray is close with his family. He helps his dad care for their boat, helps out in his mum’s cafe, and keeps a close eye on his little sister, Kiely.
Murray is an overprotective big brother. He’s successfully warned off any potential boyfriends, until Jace.
Murray oozes confidence and has many friends, but if he had to pick one… it’d be Aero. Aero is the family’s dog and Murray’s early morning running companion.
What my editor said…
My editor was swooning for Murray which made me so happy. Murray is full of confidence but she did highlight occasions where Murray needed to reel it in, amp it up, and I added evidence of his player reputation.
Redfae Bookshop is my Affiliate Bookshop.org shop link.
[kofi]
If you enjoyed this you will like:
Behind the Character: Jace Walker
Behind the Character: Ana
This post is part of my series to introduce the main characters of Ocean Heart to you and what my editor said.
When you read Ocean Heart you’ll wonder how the story ever worked without best friend Ana, but she wasn’t in several first drafts! I love her so much, I want to create a spin off novel from my series, for Ana.
Anastasia Drake
Role in Ocean Heart: Confidant (Best Friend to MC)
She often goes by the name Ana. Her name was chosen by her mum who died shortly after childbirth. Her dad won’t speak about it but says she looks a lot like her.
Ana isn’t close to her dad. He works a lot and she spent her early years with childminders and in boarding school… until she got expelled, from them all.
Ana is trying hard to keep out of trouble at her new school and has avoided making any close friends until she sees Mariah. Mariah looks as lonely as she feels, so she invites her to come swimming.
Ana comes across happy and bubbly but behind the smiles and makeup is she a dark secret. Her step mum tries to help her by finding an amazing doctor, but meds and treatment aren’t working. Ana needs something more potent, unique… Ana needs magic.
Ana is crushing on the swim coach. In her spare time she is creative. She loves fashion, taking pictures and creating animations on her computer.
What my editor said…
My editor really enjoyed Ana. She pointed out occasions where I was so focused on Mariah’s plot, she was rude to Ana. That was not my intention, so thanks to her feedback I got fixing that. Ana is the BFF we all want.
Redfae Bookshop is my Affiliate Bookshop.org shop link.
[kofi]
If you enjoyed this you will like:
Behind the Character: Jace
This post is part of my series to introduce the main characters of Ocean Heart to you and what my editor said.
The next character to make an appearance is neighbour, best friend, and love interest, Jace Walker.
Role in Ocean Heart: Confidant/Love Interest (As Mariah’s long time BFF she can tell him anything … well, almost anything .)
Jace Walker
Jace is really close to his mum. It’s been just the two of them, his dad left before he was born.
He’s dreaming of heading off to uni, and wants his mum to have someone before he goes.
He loves seeing her with her fiancé but when they decide to move he knows his neighbour Mariah will find this hard. Jace also knows he needs to encourage Mariah to not be so dependent on her.
What my editor said…
My editor pointed out how Jace and Mariah have a friendship through convenience. With no interests to hold them together, Jace doesn’t try that hard to stay in touch.
My editor suggested adding in some shared interests but this is a fundamental problem with their relationship. Their more like brother & sister, until hormones complicate things.
Redfae Bookshop is my Affiliate Bookshop.org shop link.
[kofi]
If you enjoyed this you will like:
Why you need a developmental editor!
Behind the Character: Mariah
I’m going to do a series of posts to introduce the main characters of Ocean Heart to you and what my editor said.
It only seems right to start with Mariah, after all she is the main character…
Role in Ocean Heart: Protagonist (Main Character)
Mariah Turner
Mariah has always felt like she doesn’t fit in and relies a lot on her best friend Jace to carry her in social situations.
Mariah lives with Gwyn, her eccentric mum who predicts the future and insists on casting spells, mostly to control Mariah.
Next door are the Walker’s and her best friend Jace. Born only days apart, Mariah can’t remember a day without him.
Mariah is secretly crushing on Jace. She’s terrified of loosing him and will do anything to get him to see her, not only as a friend.
Mariah longs to swim but can’t. She has a rare condition that causes her skin to breakout in a strange rash. She must always wear her allergy bracelet.
What my editor said…
Avery McDougall had the following to say about Mariah in the Developmental Report.
The report gave me suggestions to improve the character but it was the first time I got to see her described by someone else…
Redfae Bookshop is my Affiliate Bookshop.org shop link.
[kofi]
If you enjoyed this you will like:,
Why you need a developmental editor!
Art Breeder for Character Development
Why you need a developmental editor!
I never thought I needed one. But now I have used one, I wish I’d got one sooner.
There are lots of different types of editors and each type has a purpose. When I first read the definition of a developmental editor, I dismissed them.
What a Developmental Editor does:
Always check what the editor does before paying them but usually a developmental edit includes:
- Refine your ideas
- Improve narrative
- Fix plot holes and character arcs
- How to tell your story
- Chapter length and order
- What to delete/expand
Why I thought I didn’t need one:
I have so many story ideas that creating a story has never been an issue. And, I enjoy solving plot holes so why’d I want to pay someone to do that for me.
I was sure I could figure out how to tell my story my way and what was needed and when. I was worried an editor would lose my voice and it wouldn’t be the story I wanted to tell.
But, I was wrong:
A good editor works with an author to support them in enhancing their story. They give you the critique you’ve always needed.
What I got:
I hired Avery McDougal after meeting author J D Groom and seeing what she had down for her with Sorceress of Truth.
Avery edited my manuscript with inline comments. She didn’t just point out what needed fixing, she also told me where I’d got it right. Her feedback helped me grow as an author, learning by studying my own writing, guided by her feedback.
She, also provided a chapter report. This was an overview of the chapter and made me aware of any issues like grammar switches.
She provided a character analysis. These gave insight into how my characters were seen and their arcs. She linked this to character arc types which helped me learn about this too.
Avery also pointed out my bad habits. Once she pointed them out I became aware and able to correct them. For example, the overuse of a particular word.
Finally, Avery included helpful guides to help me in areas she identified that I struggle.
Editors are unique
All editors are unique. Some editors might not provide the support material Avery sent me. Before parting with your money, find out exactly what the service includes. Ask other authors for recommendations.
Check out the editors listed in the World Indie Warriors brochure.
The reasons I chose Avery were:
- I liked what she’d done for Jodie. I still checked what I’d get to make sure I was choosing the right service for my needs.
- Avery does writing workshops for teens. My novel is YA fiction. Knowing she has current experience with my intended audience was a bonus. And, it certainly showed in her feedback.
- I got quotes and the cost was something I was able to afford.
- Avery is approachable and easy to talk to. She made herself available post edits should I have any questions about her feedback.
Working with Avery was an amazing experience. She supported me to make necessary changes to improve my novel. But, she didn’t just develop my novel, she developed me as an author.
Ocean Heart is stronger thanks to her feedback, and I’m a more confident writer.
Redfae Bookshop is my Affiliate Bookshop.org shop link.
[kofi]
If you enjoyed this, you will like:
12 tips for self editing
This post was really popular last year, so I decided to revamp it and create a series of editing posts.
I love writing. It is so liberating to allow the words to flow out however they may come. But, this means they need to be tidied up later. And, I’m not a fan of editing. Without further ado, here are my tips to make self editing easier.
Take a break from your project
Don’t start editing as soon as it is written. When your writing is still fresh, you will be too close to the text that and will miss mistakes as you know what it is meant to say.
By distancing yourself, you’ll read it with a fresh perspective.
Set Goals & Create Trackers
After giving your novel space, this is the next thing you should do. Setting yourself a target is what will keep you going through your edit. Break the task up into manageable chunks and it will seem less daunting.
I will soon share a post about how I use a spreadsheet for this but for now, here is an example of my paper tracker. Seeing your progress is extremely rewarding and motivating.
Versions
I always copy & paste to a new document so I don’t edit the original. This helps protects your work if you realise you cut something you shouldn’t have or find the new version isn’t working.
Change the format
There are several ways to do this and it will result in you seeing the novel from a different perspective.
Print it: I currently don’t have a printer at the moment so can’t take advantage of this one but having a hard copy will enable you to read it in a. You have the added bonus of being able to write notes on your document.
Change the font: Different fonts have different vibes and some fonts will make identifying mistakes clearer. On this note, you may find certain fonts help to be more creative when writing. I would recommend cursive or italic for creativity and sans or serif fonts for serious editing.
Audio: If you have software that reads your text aloud, this can help you hear mistakes. You can also try reading it aloud and see if you stumble over and of the text or parts that don’t flow right.
Basic Spellcheck
Today there are no excuses for misspelt words. Every modern word processor program comes with a basic spell checker built in. However, it won’t pick up the misuse of words if spelt or used correctly which leads me on nicely to my next point.
Proofread
This is so important. A spellcheck is following rules of the English language but when you read it you may find you’ve used the wrong word or the sentence in not saying what you intended. For example, ‘do’ and ‘don’t’ are spelt correct but mean the opposite. Whilst proof reading you will also identify ways to strengthen weak text. I also will highlight text I need to return to look at again.
Hemingway App
This is a browser app. On the website I copy and paste the chapter I’m working on into the app. I tend to proofread in this app as it highlights weak words like those ending in ‘ly’ and passive words. It also highlights complex sentences which you may want to simplify for your readers.
It grades your writing. You don’t necessarily want a high grade. If your novel is graded high then it might feel like a chore for your readers. It actually is more enjoyable if it is a lower grade.
Hemingway will slap you in the face with your over use of ‘just’, ‘that’ and other unnecessary filler words.
Grammarly
Next, I paste my chapter into Grammarly. This focuses on different qualities in your writing and always makes further suggestions. It often picks up on my over or under use of commas.
It is an advanced spell check but it is following a set of rules and sometimes writers like to break these rules. For example, it might identify a character is not speaking in a grammatically correct way but maybe I want them to speak like that. This is why you must always review the suggestions.
I prefer the browser version to the mobile app.
Find & Replace
Use F&R to replace name changes or look for repetitive words. You can also use it to check for mistakes with spacing.
I used it to check my formatting for speech so I get it to find ” in my manuscript. I’ve also used it to change a name throughout my MS.
Structural edit
I used Save the Cat during my edit to check the pacing of my story.
Based on the original length of the novel, I calculate where in the story different beats should happen. For example, by doing this I was able to identify that my start was too slow so I looked at what was unnecessary to cut.
Back up
You’ve spent a lot of time working on your novel so ensure you back it up. There is nothing more upsetting than discovering you lost it.
Easy methods to back up is to save to more than one location: Pc/laptop, USB, Google drive, email yourself.
Feedback
Once you think it is perfect, it’s time to get a second opinion. Here are a few options to consider:
- Editor: Do your research to find one that you would like to work with. There are also different editors for different stages of your book.
- Mentor: Work with an experienced author to learn from them.
- Critique Group: Join a group of writers to exchange novels and give each other feedback.
- Share Online: Post on sites like Wattpad to see how your novel is received.
- Beta Readers: Find a group of readers and gather there feedback on your novel (can ask them to complete questionnaires).
Some feedback will be based on personal opinion. Writing is an art after all and you can chose to ignore their suggestions especially if it is pulling you away from your original vision and voice. But if several people are raising issue with the same part, it is likely that they have a valid point. They have taken their time to read your novel and help you, so respect their input and consider their feedback.
Do you use any of the above methods? Have you any tips to add that I missed?
I’ve have recently received my novel back from a developmental edit. The feedback has been unbelievably useful and my novel I once thought was close to ready is now requiring a lot of work.
The editor wasn’t harsh. In fact her feedback is what I have been craving for year. It is like having a best friend who understands what you are trying to achieve and has the skills to help. She has been honest with me about what is and isn’t working and even even shared resources to help me.
Have you ever used a professional editor?
If you like this, you will enjoy:
Do you keep notebooks of story ideas?
Felixstowe Book Festival – The Publishing Industry
This event was hosted by Phoebe Morgan who promised to share her advice on how to get published, attract an agent and attract an editor. It was held at the Sailing Club with stunning views of Felixstowe Ferry.
Introductions
Phoebe Morgan is the best selling author of The Doll House and works at Orion as an Editorial Director. She explained a little about the books she works on (crime, thrillers, women’s fiction and saga). She had created a presentation especially for us.
Before she started, Phoebe went around the room and got each of us to introduce ourselves and what we are writing and hoping to get out of the talk. There was something very endearing about Phoebe. People instantly warmed to her and wanted her to know about their writing. I think it is the way she appreciated and valued every writer in the room.
I shared that I have just finished editing Jewel of the Sea and sent it out to Beta Readers. I explained that I have queried a lot, been rejected a lot and then edited again and have lost count of the cycle. I confessed that I am now considering self publishing and believe my query letter and synopsis is not having the right effect on agents.
First Impressions
Phoebe’s talk began talking about bestsellers and popular genres and why these books are doing well. She emphasised why it is so important for writers to know what is trending when they are querying because this links to how it will be pitched to editors and publishing houses.
Phoebe had put together examples of pitches to illustrate how important it is to quickly get agents up to speed on what your novel is about in just one sentence.
Example: The Girl On The Train by Paula Hawkins – Woman sees inciting incident through her train window.
Phoebe told us what genres are trending right now. However, it is best to write the novel you want as these are constantly changing. She talked about why genre fiction is popular and why it is important for us to identify the genre where our novel will be placed. This helps the publishers identify where to market, package, design and price it. She pointed out how we need to be passionate enough about our books to promote it for two years!
Phoebe had collected examples of the first line of successful books and discussed how these sentences grip the reader right from the start. She pointed out how agents are often very busy and if they are not pulled in from the start, they will move on to the next. She pointed out how in a shop, a reader may pick up a book and look at that first line to decide whether to buy it or not.
Example: The Girl On The Train by Paula Hawkins – There is a pile of clothing on the train tracks.
Then, she got us to share the first line of our books and discussed their strengths. She also suggested that some writers should consider starting further into the story where the action starts.
Novel Writing
She went on to talk about how to use suspense and pacing in our novels giving us tips on how to use these to make our novels a page turner. For examples, shorter sentences and chapters can speed up action but you can do the opposite for when you need to pull the reader in for more detail – there needs to be a balance between the two.
Ending a chapter on a cliff hanger can leave a reader needing to read the next chapter, to do this successful you need the reader to care about the character and be worried about them or the invested in the outcome. It helps to make the characters life full of obstacles – if it is too easy, it is boring. Obstacles create conflict.
Phoebe briefly covered different ways to structure your novel and why this is important.
Characters are incredibly important in your novel so Phoebe had collected a few tips to help us. In my notes I jotted down:
- Not too many – you only need three to five main characters. If you have more then you can lose the reader as they won’t be able to connect with them. If you have too many, see if two characters can be merged together to fulfil one role.
- Zoom in technique – Imagine a lens and zoom in and think of little things that makes the character who they are.
- Back stories – Make sure you know your characters back stories, even if this doesn’t come into the story it will influence who they are and make them more vivid when you write.
- Motivations – Understand what drives your characters. What are their goals and what they want to achieve, etc.
- Likeable? – It is not necessary for the reader to like your main character whoever readers do need at least one character they can emphasise with.
Phoebe then got us to think about one of the characters in our novel and write for five minutes about their backstory. I chose Luna who is a secondary character but her back story and actions are the catalyst for the entire series. She is a character I need to know inside and out. I may one day write a short story about her.
Roles
She then told us about the steps to getting published. There were twelve steps! I’ve always been focused on ‘getting an agent’ that I have not thought much more about ‘what next’. It turns out there is a lot that happens after you get an agent, and a lot that happens after you an editor and after all that, when you finally get an offer from a publisher, you can say no.
Phoebe went into more detail about what an agent does and how to pitch one. I felt like I knew a lot of this as it is something I’ve done a lot of. Phoebe was able to recommend some good agents and resources like The Writer’s and Artists’ Yearbook.
She then told us what editors look for. It was very insightful to hear this as the agent will be looking for these things in your query. The agent will be trying to figure out whether they can pitch your novel to editors. Here are the main things editors want:
- A strong, clear, one-sentence hook
- A good sense of voice – character needs to feel new and unique
- Fill a spot on their list – keep an eye out for out for wish lists
- Pleasure to work with – they will check out social media to see if you take writing seriously but this is not a deal breaker.
- A clear vision – they need to believe in the book and be able to see it doing well.
She ended by warning us that rejection is something almost every published author has experienced. She gave us tips on how to deal with and was very encouraging that a rejection doesn’t mean give up.
Summary
She finished by giving us a list of resources for further information and how to contact her if we have further questions. She also took our emails so she could send us a copy of her presentation.
Phoebe was so lovely, approachable and genuinely wanted to help everyone in the room. Writers who get to work with her are truly blessed.
I did have a damsel in distress moment in the car park where a knight in shinning armour came to my rescue. More about this in my next Felixstowe Book Festival post.
I hope you have found this useful. If you want to connect with Phoebe, you can find her:
Twitter: @Phoebe_A_Morgan
Facebook: @PhoebeMorganAuthor
Instagram: @phoebeannmorgan
And don’t forget you can buy her debut novel The Doll House, or The Girl Next Door.
Learn more about Phoebe Morgan on her website.
If you enjoyed this, you may like:
Seven tips for querying agents
Felixstowe Book Festival – Containment
How I edited my novel – 12 tips for self editing
I love writing. It is so liberating to allow the words to flow out however they may come. But, this means they need to be tidied up later. And, I’m not a fan of editing.
Over the years, I’ve found ways to make editing easier. Today, I will share my methods to help you and other writers.
Take a break from your project
Don’t start editing as soon as it is written. When your writing is still fresh, you will be too close to the text that and will miss mistakes as you know what it is meant to say.
By distancing yourself, you’ll read it with a fresh perspective.
Set Goals & Create Trackers
After giving your novel space, this is the next thing you should do. Setting yourself a target is what will keep you going through your edit. Break the task up into manageable chunks and it will seem less daunting.
I will soon share a post about how I use a spreadsheet for this but for now, here is an example of my paper tracker. Seeing your progress is extremely rewarding and motivating.
Versions
I always copy & paste to a new document so I don’t edit the original. This helps protects your work if you realise you cut something you shouldn’t have or find the new version isn’t working.
Change the format
There are several ways to do this and it will result in you seeing the novel from a different perspective.
Print it: I currently don’t have a printer at the moment so can’t take advantage of this one but having a hard copy will enable you to read it in a. You have the added bonus of being able to write notes on your document.
Change the font: Different fonts have different vibes and some fonts will make identifying mistakes clearer. On this note, you may find certain fonts help to be more creative when writing. I would recommend cursive or italic for creativity and sans or serif fonts for serious editing.
Audio: If you have software that reads your text aloud, this can help you hear mistakes. You can also try reading it aloud and see if you stumble over and of the text or parts that don’t flow right.
Basic Spellcheck
Today there are no excuses for misspelt words. Every modern word processor program comes with a basic spell checker built in. However, it won’t pick up the misuse of words if spelt or used correctly which leads me on nicely to my next point.
Proofread
This is so important. A spellcheck is following rules of the English language but when you read it you may find you’ve used the wrong word or the sentence in not saying what you intended. For example, ‘do’ and ‘don’t’ are spelt correct but mean the opposite. Whilst proof reading you will also identify ways to strengthen weak text. I also will highlight text I need to return to look at again.
Hemingway App
This is a browser app. On the website I copy and paste the chapter I’m working on into the app. I tend to proofread in this app as it highlights weak words like those ending in ‘ly’ and passive words. It also highlights complex sentences which you may want to simplify for your readers.
It grades your writing. You don’t necessarily want a high grade. If your novel is graded high then it might feel like a chore for your readers. It actually is more enjoyable if it is a lower grade.
Hemingway will slap you in the face with your over use of ‘just’, ‘that’ and other unnecessary filler words.
Grammarly
Next, I paste my chapter into Grammarly. This focuses on different qualities in your writing and always makes further suggestions. It often picks up on my over or under use of commas.
It is an advanced spell check but it is following a set of rules and sometimes writers like to break these rules. For example, it might identify a character is not speaking in a grammatically correct way but maybe I want them to speak like that. This is why you must always review the suggestions.
I prefer the browser version to the mobile app.
Find & Replace
Use F&R to replace name changes or look for repetitive words. You can also use it to check for mistakes with spacing.
I used it to check my formatting for speech so I get it to find ” in my manuscript. I’ve also used it to change a name throughout my MS.
Structural edit
I used Save the Cat during my edit to check the pacing of my story.
Based on the original length of the novel, I calculate where in the story different beats should happen. For example, by doing this I was able to identify that my start was too slow so I looked at what was unnecessary to cut.
Back up
You’ve spent a lot of time working on your novel so ensure you back it up. There is nothing more upsetting than discovering you lost it.
Easy methods to back up is to save to more than one location: Pc/laptop, USB, Google drive, email yourself.
Feedback
Once you think it is perfect, it’s time to get a second opinion. Here are a few options to consider:
- Editor: Do your research to find one that you would like to work with.
- Mentor: Work with an experienced author to learn from them.
- Critique Group: Join a group of writers to exchange novels and give each other feedback.
- Share Online: Post on sites like Wattpad to see how your novel is received.
- Beta Readers: Find a group of readers and gather there feedback on your novel (can ask them to complete questionnaires).
Remember some feedback will be based on their personal opinion and you can chose to ignore their suggestions especially if it is pulling you away from your original vision and voice. However, if they are likely to have a good point and are trying to help you to see areas where you can improve.
Do you use any of the above methods? Have you any tips to add that I missed?
I’ve just finished a full novel edit and it feels good to see the new improved final version. My novel has been edited so many times I have lost count. Each time I thought I got it but then I have discovered new ways to improve it. With each edit, I believe I have developed as a writer. I am aware that although I think this is it, I may find reason to edit again.
If you like this, you will enjoy:
Discover Your Story Plotting Style
Do you keep notebooks of story ideas?